i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
