Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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