and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
