My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
