i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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