Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
