Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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