I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
