I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
