There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I will be naked everywhere
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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