My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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