do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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