who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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