Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
