I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
