i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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