haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
