her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
