Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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