I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
