I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
