I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
