We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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