: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
