Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
