I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
