At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
