He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
