the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
