i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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