i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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