If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
are you so shy because you have an std?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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