just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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