You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
