Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize