Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
