I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
