forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
