Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
