I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize