I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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