You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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