Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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