Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We don't watch enough power rangers
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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