I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
