He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
