I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
