ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a search helicopter?!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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