grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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