if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
