I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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