I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
