he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
