The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
