i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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