WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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