I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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