Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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