so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
