bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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