First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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