Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
