I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize