We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
