also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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