Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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