dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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