Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
