Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
