ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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